Today is Tuesday. Today was a pretty bad day. The only thing keeping me sane right now is God and my friends. Being home brings out the worst in me. Dealing with my parents is the hardest challenge I will probably face. After being verbally bashed about random stuff, including my passport and job, I am pretty angry and frustrated inside. Basically, my parents go on saying things I need to do, that I'm not doing them, that I'm retarded and need to do them, and stuff like that sort. It's pretty discouraging. I'm not sure if I should even blog this but I am. For those of you reading this, this is my home life and a different me. I almost never happy being home and those times I am happy, I don't even cherish them or remember them. My parents and I have a pretty dysfunctional relationship. Basically, my dad is a dictator and whatever he says is "right". When I bring up a point or try to defend myself, he turns it around and starts saying random, demeaning stuff about me. It's really hard going through this and everytime I do, I find myself at a loss for words. It tears my heart inside. Being at home makes me appreciate being at school so much more. At home, I am confined to living the way my dad wants me to. And throughout the years, I have grown to really dislike this atmosphere. I wish things weren't like this and although this may sound like everyone's family (possibly), for me, living at home makes me so depressed. What's worse is that whatever my parents want me to do (get good grades and jobs and whatnot), it differs from what I am taught and have been learning at school. Getting good grades is a good thing but the intention is to get a good job to earn lots of money. My parents want me to earn lots of money (or how they put it: "to be independent") while neglecting the importance of other things.
My biggest frustration is when my parents yell and scold and verbally bash on me for something I have done right or for something they have done wrong. Many instances, my parents have incorrectly yelled at me and unfortunately, my dad is a stubborn person who refuses to apologize for any reasons. This is very discouraging and I hope never to be like this. This is why I stick so strongly to the Word and learn the valuable lessons God teaches so that I may be a person of God, and not of my father or man.
I don't know why I am placed in this situation other than to learn from it. However, I don't know if I am big enough to surpass it because my parents have just caused so much hurt and conflict in my life. I only know that I can repent for my sins and hope that this was not the result of my past sins, although it very much is. God, I pray that You calm my hearts and give me peace.
1 comment:
For starters, God's definitely put you in a position where your parents are lucky to have you as a son and a Christian. They will get to know Christ through you. So, have faith in this calling and privilege. It sure sucks on your behalf to put up with it all the time (yea, you're definitely not alone). But, crucify your own pain and any ion of self-interest and comfort that you seek for yourself. It might be all 99% pain with your parents, but in trusting in God and submitting to your 'rents through all that, you honor Him anyway.
Despite the feeling that you always fall short of godliness or can never find stable peace with your parents, know that God's grace will be more than enough for you in the rest of your life. I'm definitely glad you don't have any remote desire of abandoning your relationship with your parents in the future. Of course, if the Lord calls you far from your parents, staying in touch with them will be a hard task. But, in any circumstance, your prayers for their salvation will not drop to the ground with a deaf purpose. God altogether understands your frustrations... let's both continue to trust in God's provisions (for eternal and momentary salvation) and grow in His Word as both our pairs of parents drive us nuts sometimes.
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