For the past couple of months, I thought my life would change significantly. In fact, I thought it would change for the worst. Things were spiraling out of control. God was distant, though I thought He was close. But the past two months, God has genuinely changed me. Work was picking up. Applications were on my mind. Pharmacy was consuming me. I thought that coming out of college and entering the 'real world' would challenge me. It indeed did. But what I realized from all of this is my love for God. Though the real world would ask us to be this or that, though the real world would tempt us with money, material possessions and lust, I knew that God was and is bigger than the real world. Scripture tells us not to follow the ways of the world. Until now, I have not really known what that meant.
In the past year, I see so much of my life has been consumed by selfishness. I did not really love the church. I was selfish and only thought about what I wanted and what I lusted after. What did it meant to give selflessly? What did it meant to love the church? I thought by attending, by being close friends with the body, I would accomplish this. How wrong was I. I thought about my selfish needs. I thought about what I could gain from the church, from the fellowship. But until now, I did not truly give my heart to her. I truly love Philippi. I love serving there. I love the smile on the kids' faces. I love the fellowship I have with my brothers and sisters. Though we are all sinners, depraved, broken, and disgusting people, we have Christ. He is the head that keeps us together. Most of all, I love God who I see is working in so many of my brothers' and sisters' lives. All I can think about is Acts 2. I want my church to be an imitator of that church. But I want my heart to truly proclaim it. To give selflessly to the church. To serve selflessly for the church. To live selflessly by the church. God made a covenant to us. He loves us unconditionally. I pray that I will continue to grow so that I can unconditionally love my future wife, just as Christ loved the church.
These several months, I have seen God work not only in my life, but through brothers' who have continued to mentor, encourage, challenge, and rebuke me. Indeed, we would not be a body or a family if we did not do these things. To laugh and be happy when one is happy and elated and to be comforting to those who are they are sad. God has made himself bigger while making everything else smaller - Pharmacy, work, relationships. God has continually provided for me, not only financially, but spiritually. He has put certain brothers who are both young and old, to encourage me and to teach me.
What does it mean to live by faith? I thought I knew before. Right now, I am struggling at home. It's difficult honoring my parents. This is not an excuse but an honest cry from my heart. I love them. I want them to be saved. However, I want them to let me live my life for God. Though I am struggling, I praise God. As I turned to Hebrews 11, I am challenged by the Spirit to continue living faithfully in Christ. Though I am troubled, I see Christ in every part of my life. I see Him molding me, teaching me, and loving me. Though my sins are uncountable, I see forgiveness by His grace. Oh how amazing Christ truly is. I see my faith growing through times of struggle, with my past relationships and my current problems. I see Christ putting everything for a purpose in my life. And I see myself holding on to Him with every ounce of my body. Hebrews 10:22 tells us to draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. I have wronged many people in my life. But through the grace of God, the sacrifice of Christ, I see the forgiveness. I thought I knew repentance but I didn't see God clearly. I repented aimlessly. But, as I continue to see more and more of God in my life, I repent because Christ died for it all. Though I labor and toil, without knowing Christ delivered us from the grave, I labor and toil aimlessly.
Christ is the cornerstone of the church. He is the cornerstone of my life. He is not a crutch, but He is everything. I willingly and faithfully trust in God's will for me, knowing that Christ allowed me to have this relationship. As I studied through the book of Genesis and Exodus, I see how much God loved his people. Though they were continuously unfaithful, God still provided for them. He didn't need to, but He still did. How amazing God is! I feel such joy in knowing God has truly loves us.
Now, I see my life as moving forward, not backwards. I see God's promises being fulfilled. I see that my past sins, though they linger, have no power. Living faithfully. That's what it is. Though I'm sure I'm going to have ups and downs, God will be there. And He will get all the glory. And I can't wait to see Him in heaven and just praise Him endlessly. Thank You Jesus.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Saturday, July 5, 2008
It's been awhile... what has changed?
It's been awhile since I last posted. What's been going on with my life? Let's see... the Philippi Retreat... the BBQ... at home studying (or trying to)... hopefully getting a Pharmacy job soon...
1) Philippi Retreat
To be honest, this retreat surpassed all my expectations that I had. I have never gone to a Philippi Summer Retreat (only to CBC's), so coming into this, I knew this was going to be something special and unique and definitely worth remembering. I can honestly say, I have found a home at Philippi. Even when Pastor Robert left and almost 75% of my body wanted to leave, I knew somehow that God was telling me to stay. Up until that point, being at Philippi was mostly centered on Robert being an awesome shepherd. But God revealed to me that the church isn't just about having an awesome pastor preaching and taking care of us; it is the BODY of Christ. We are a FAMILY of Christ. I think that is definitely one of the reasons why the church was established. Even though church is an hour away from my home, to me, it is worth the drive and gas and time. I want to give credit to the leadership team for putting this retreat all together. It makes me envious that they put something so amazing together, but I think that just instills in my heart a desire to serve and help build up our church.
2) Moses' BBQ
When I said that our church was a FAMILY, I meant it. It's working together to get dinner ready, helping whoever needs help and serving each other till the end. It was an amazing site. I felt like this was the definition of family.
3) Studying...
Studying is quite tedious and annoying. I hate having to force myself and study the stuff I should know when I learned it in college. This is the direct result of my slacking off in my sophomore year and I see the consequences of my bad decisions. Studying isn't fun at all, but here and there, I marvel at how smart and just unmeasureable God is. His creations (including us) are just amazing.. who can design DNA in such intricacy? And make the model and the structure so complete and near infallible? Only God can, not man. Even as we study and discover more and more of God's creations scientifically, I know we'll never know it all. God is just too much and too perfect and smart.
4) Getting that Pharmacy job
This has been quite frustrating. Everytime I get settled to a job, it either doesn't work out or I feel like God isn't calling me to that particular one. This is really really annoying and I know I definitely need to start working. I just have to be patient and know that God's timing is the right timing and trust in Him that He will open up doors and show me where I belong.
This is all for now. I've gone thru Philippians and continuing to finish Revelations. Spiritually, it's been a up and down rollercoaster. My heart has taken alot of battles. I feel like its been hardened, then softened, hardened and softened over and over again. I feel like Satan is attacking it with things of this earth and God is trying to show me the light over and over again. I'm stupid and foolish for falling into Satan's traps, but it is a mistake that is human =/ that is all for now!
1) Philippi Retreat
To be honest, this retreat surpassed all my expectations that I had. I have never gone to a Philippi Summer Retreat (only to CBC's), so coming into this, I knew this was going to be something special and unique and definitely worth remembering. I can honestly say, I have found a home at Philippi. Even when Pastor Robert left and almost 75% of my body wanted to leave, I knew somehow that God was telling me to stay. Up until that point, being at Philippi was mostly centered on Robert being an awesome shepherd. But God revealed to me that the church isn't just about having an awesome pastor preaching and taking care of us; it is the BODY of Christ. We are a FAMILY of Christ. I think that is definitely one of the reasons why the church was established. Even though church is an hour away from my home, to me, it is worth the drive and gas and time. I want to give credit to the leadership team for putting this retreat all together. It makes me envious that they put something so amazing together, but I think that just instills in my heart a desire to serve and help build up our church.
2) Moses' BBQ
When I said that our church was a FAMILY, I meant it. It's working together to get dinner ready, helping whoever needs help and serving each other till the end. It was an amazing site. I felt like this was the definition of family.
3) Studying...
Studying is quite tedious and annoying. I hate having to force myself and study the stuff I should know when I learned it in college. This is the direct result of my slacking off in my sophomore year and I see the consequences of my bad decisions. Studying isn't fun at all, but here and there, I marvel at how smart and just unmeasureable God is. His creations (including us) are just amazing.. who can design DNA in such intricacy? And make the model and the structure so complete and near infallible? Only God can, not man. Even as we study and discover more and more of God's creations scientifically, I know we'll never know it all. God is just too much and too perfect and smart.
4) Getting that Pharmacy job
This has been quite frustrating. Everytime I get settled to a job, it either doesn't work out or I feel like God isn't calling me to that particular one. This is really really annoying and I know I definitely need to start working. I just have to be patient and know that God's timing is the right timing and trust in Him that He will open up doors and show me where I belong.
This is all for now. I've gone thru Philippians and continuing to finish Revelations. Spiritually, it's been a up and down rollercoaster. My heart has taken alot of battles. I feel like its been hardened, then softened, hardened and softened over and over again. I feel like Satan is attacking it with things of this earth and God is trying to show me the light over and over again. I'm stupid and foolish for falling into Satan's traps, but it is a mistake that is human =/ that is all for now!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The Bible teaches lessons that save lives.
Read this.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/03/AR2008060303262.html?hpid=topnews
After reading that, I went to the Bible. James 1. =)
James 1:19-21 says:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
So what will you do?! JUST STOP AND THINK.
This is why we have the Bible. Read and Apply! This is our life and the answer are IN THE BIBLE!
Goodnight :)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/03/AR2008060303262.html?hpid=topnews
After reading that, I went to the Bible. James 1. =)
James 1:19-21 says:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Hmm. It's stated plain and simple. From Thousands of years ago till now. It hasn't changed. The Bible is INFALLIBLE. People, if we don't learn to embrace the Bible as the very WORD of God in our lives, then we will fall into the traps that Satan lays. BE STRONG!
James 1:22-25 reiterates what I just stated (and this is mere coincidence!)22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
So what will you do?! JUST STOP AND THINK.
This is why we have the Bible. Read and Apply! This is our life and the answer are IN THE BIBLE!
Goodnight :)
Revelation 4-5
The Throne
Revelations 4 describes the throne so vividly and descriptively. This is John's recount as he actually saw the throne as it had the appearance of "jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal (v. 3-6). Haha. Wow. Picturing this mighty throne in Heaven is just awesome. There's also another verse that these creatures in Heaven are chanting, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" We recognize this as a song that Chris Tomlin sang but this is pure worship to our God in Heaven and all the creatures are bowing down and worshipping Him. Think about it. What if we saw all the people in this world bow down and worship God?! What an amazing site.
The Scroll and the Lamb
This passage is just another reiteration of Jesus' honor, privilege and holiness. When no one could open the scroll because it was so sacred and it being sealed, only Jesus was WORTHY enough to do it. This just re-emphasizes the worthiness and power that God the Father has given to his Son, Jesus. Only through this unblemished lamb will we be able to meet the Father and only through Him are we redeemed for our sins and only Him will we serve our lives and hearts to!
I guess I'll end on this verse. Meditate on it if you want, that's usually what I do after reading. "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever! And the four living creatures said, 'Amen'! and the elders fell down and worshiped." (v. 13-14)
Revelation brings everything together. It's so clear cut and simple. Jesus is real. He is the Savior. He will come back. And those who proclaim His name shall be saved from the fiery pit!
Amen.
Revelations 4 describes the throne so vividly and descriptively. This is John's recount as he actually saw the throne as it had the appearance of "jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal (v. 3-6). Haha. Wow. Picturing this mighty throne in Heaven is just awesome. There's also another verse that these creatures in Heaven are chanting, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" We recognize this as a song that Chris Tomlin sang but this is pure worship to our God in Heaven and all the creatures are bowing down and worshipping Him. Think about it. What if we saw all the people in this world bow down and worship God?! What an amazing site.
The Scroll and the Lamb
This passage is just another reiteration of Jesus' honor, privilege and holiness. When no one could open the scroll because it was so sacred and it being sealed, only Jesus was WORTHY enough to do it. This just re-emphasizes the worthiness and power that God the Father has given to his Son, Jesus. Only through this unblemished lamb will we be able to meet the Father and only through Him are we redeemed for our sins and only Him will we serve our lives and hearts to!
I guess I'll end on this verse. Meditate on it if you want, that's usually what I do after reading. "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever! And the four living creatures said, 'Amen'! and the elders fell down and worshiped." (v. 13-14)
Revelation brings everything together. It's so clear cut and simple. Jesus is real. He is the Savior. He will come back. And those who proclaim His name shall be saved from the fiery pit!
Amen.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Bittersweet Beginnings
The Good.
Camping. Laughing. Singing. Hanging out. Making ridiculous sand castles. Doing QTs on the beach. Walking on the smooth, clean, cool sandy beach. The past two days have been amazing with my friends. Although I have about 20+ bug bites all over my body, although I have a slight sunburn, although I'm tired and sore, I would not trade it for anything. This, perhaps, may be only a few of the bright spots I have for my summer. Too bad it was so short. God had definitely blessed me and my friends. I am truly thankful for His grace.
The Bad.
However, after coming home, things went from light to dark. Being at home continues to be a struggle. My grades just added more fuel to this burning fire. Although I did well this semester, my parents just found out of my less-than-par grades from my previous semesters. I know this was my fault: my neglect and irresponsibleness in informing them of my grades. And I have repented and apologized for it. I wish I would have told them earlier, but I was just afraid of their response and the disappointment. They have such high expectations and anything below a 3.5 would not be acceptable in their eyes. As I listened to the barrage of ruthless and hurting comments, although it was painful, it has made me more determined to study harder. Although my heart is crushed and broken, I know God will build it up and give me comfort. Even so, this has made living at home 100x worse. Now, they are more controlling than ever. They have threatened to take my cellphone away, take my car away, my privileges to leave the house away. This poses a big problem because tomorrow I have church and I'm not even sure if I can go. Even worse, I'm not even sure if I can goto mission meetings anymore. I have prepared for missions for over a month now and I am feeling even more discouraged because of the turn of events. All I can think about is studying PCATs in order to please my parents. Nothing else matters. That is what they have drilled into my head after hours of yelling, bashing and criticism of my life. I don't even know what to do anymore. This is my struggle. I still do my QTs and pray, but it is becoming more of a challenge. I only hope and pray that I will be able to trust in Him and let Him be in control, with my parents and with my life.
I stand here, my heart broken and lost. So many times do I wish to be in Heaven with God. And now more than ever.
Camping. Laughing. Singing. Hanging out. Making ridiculous sand castles. Doing QTs on the beach. Walking on the smooth, clean, cool sandy beach. The past two days have been amazing with my friends. Although I have about 20+ bug bites all over my body, although I have a slight sunburn, although I'm tired and sore, I would not trade it for anything. This, perhaps, may be only a few of the bright spots I have for my summer. Too bad it was so short. God had definitely blessed me and my friends. I am truly thankful for His grace.
The Bad.
However, after coming home, things went from light to dark. Being at home continues to be a struggle. My grades just added more fuel to this burning fire. Although I did well this semester, my parents just found out of my less-than-par grades from my previous semesters. I know this was my fault: my neglect and irresponsibleness in informing them of my grades. And I have repented and apologized for it. I wish I would have told them earlier, but I was just afraid of their response and the disappointment. They have such high expectations and anything below a 3.5 would not be acceptable in their eyes. As I listened to the barrage of ruthless and hurting comments, although it was painful, it has made me more determined to study harder. Although my heart is crushed and broken, I know God will build it up and give me comfort. Even so, this has made living at home 100x worse. Now, they are more controlling than ever. They have threatened to take my cellphone away, take my car away, my privileges to leave the house away. This poses a big problem because tomorrow I have church and I'm not even sure if I can go. Even worse, I'm not even sure if I can goto mission meetings anymore. I have prepared for missions for over a month now and I am feeling even more discouraged because of the turn of events. All I can think about is studying PCATs in order to please my parents. Nothing else matters. That is what they have drilled into my head after hours of yelling, bashing and criticism of my life. I don't even know what to do anymore. This is my struggle. I still do my QTs and pray, but it is becoming more of a challenge. I only hope and pray that I will be able to trust in Him and let Him be in control, with my parents and with my life.
I stand here, my heart broken and lost. So many times do I wish to be in Heaven with God. And now more than ever.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Today's weather is awesome. It makes me wish that I lived back in the old days, when there wasn't technology, when there wasn't this busy life where we have to work and goto school. As I see more and more, I think that technology has a way of pulling us away from God. Just right now, I've spent about 2-3 hrs watching movies. And in the end, I feel completely wasteful and unproductive. In so many places, I think we find ourselves unaware that Satan actually wants us to enjoy this world and accept the things that this world offers. he wants us to get the latest technology and he wants us to live in this type of place because it pulls us away from appreciating the very things that God created. Look outside. Look at the birds, the grass, the trees. Feel the wind and marvel the skies and the clouds.
Today, I am reading Revelation 2. I just want to post certain verses that stood out to me. I know that for each church, Jesus had a message and a personal meaning to it. It was as if He was talking to us, telling us about ourselves (the good and the bad).
verse 3:I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up(F) for my name’s sake, and you(G) have not grown weary.
I wish I had this. This is something I strive so dearly for because it is my weakness and my shortcoming: Patience and consistency.
verse 10: Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison,(T) that you may be tested, and for(U) ten days(V) you will have tribulation.(W) Be faithful(X) unto death, and I will give you(Y) the crown of life.
This is a scary thought but it may very well be a reality to some. There is always going to be persecution but Jesus says, don't worry for "I will give you the crown of life".
verse 13:I know where you dwell,(AC) where Satan’s throne is. Yet you hold fast my name, and you did not(AD) deny my faith[b] even in the days of Antipas(AE) my faithful witness, who was killed among you, where Satan dwells.
True faith, even in times where faith is not possible. In times where the devil seems so strong and so powerful, keeping our faith in Jesus is the only way we'll survive it.
verse 22-23:Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works, 23and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am he(AV) who searches mind and heart, and(AW) I will give to each of you according to your works.
Fighting from sexual immorality is so important and to those who fall into it, it is clear that God despises it and wants us to repent from it. Through repentance, our minds and hearts may be cleared and we would be able to listen and speak to God. I don't know about you guys, but when I sin and I don't repent for it, it is very hard for me to speak to God and to pray to Him. How can we? It's just like driving that nail into Jesus and not apologizing for it. That is a brutal image.
Revelation is the last book and it serves a purpose of bringing everything together and prophesying the end times. Through that, emphasis on what we need to do and what we have to do and the consequences of not doing it, is shown. Hopefully, this will bring the reality and the urgency of what God is calling us to do and how we are living our life. Right now, I don't think my lifestyle is pleasing to God and even as I write this, I feel like a hypocrite. But that is why I need Jesus' grace and love. That is why He is a merciful and compassionate God. Though we fall short of His glory, His grace covers our sins. Amen.
Today, I am reading Revelation 2. I just want to post certain verses that stood out to me. I know that for each church, Jesus had a message and a personal meaning to it. It was as if He was talking to us, telling us about ourselves (the good and the bad).
verse 3:
I wish I had this. This is something I strive so dearly for because it is my weakness and my shortcoming: Patience and consistency.
verse 10:
This is a scary thought but it may very well be a reality to some. There is always going to be persecution but Jesus says, don't worry for "I will give you the crown of life".
verse 13:
True faith, even in times where faith is not possible. In times where the devil seems so strong and so powerful, keeping our faith in Jesus is the only way we'll survive it.
verse 22-23:
Fighting from sexual immorality is so important and to those who fall into it, it is clear that God despises it and wants us to repent from it. Through repentance, our minds and hearts may be cleared and we would be able to listen and speak to God. I don't know about you guys, but when I sin and I don't repent for it, it is very hard for me to speak to God and to pray to Him. How can we? It's just like driving that nail into Jesus and not apologizing for it. That is a brutal image.
Revelation is the last book and it serves a purpose of bringing everything together and prophesying the end times. Through that, emphasis on what we need to do and what we have to do and the consequences of not doing it, is shown. Hopefully, this will bring the reality and the urgency of what God is calling us to do and how we are living our life. Right now, I don't think my lifestyle is pleasing to God and even as I write this, I feel like a hypocrite. But that is why I need Jesus' grace and love. That is why He is a merciful and compassionate God. Though we fall short of His glory, His grace covers our sins. Amen.
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