It's been awhile... what has changed?

It's been awhile since I last posted. What's been going on with my life? Let's see... the Philippi Retreat... the BBQ... at home studying (or trying to)... hopefully getting a Pharmacy job soon...

1) Philippi Retreat

To be honest, this retreat surpassed all my expectations that I had. I have never gone to a Philippi Summer Retreat (only to CBC's), so coming into this, I knew this was going to be something special and unique and definitely worth remembering. I can honestly say, I have found a home at Philippi. Even when Pastor Robert left and almost 75% of my body wanted to leave, I knew somehow that God was telling me to stay. Up until that point, being at Philippi was mostly centered on Robert being an awesome shepherd. But God revealed to me that the church isn't just about having an awesome pastor preaching and taking care of us; it is the BODY of Christ. We are a FAMILY of Christ. I think that is definitely one of the reasons why the church was established. Even though church is an hour away from my home, to me, it is worth the drive and gas and time. I want to give credit to the leadership team for putting this retreat all together. It makes me envious that they put something so amazing together, but I think that just instills in my heart a desire to serve and help build up our church.

2) Moses' BBQ

When I said that our church was a FAMILY, I meant it. It's working together to get dinner ready, helping whoever needs help and serving each other till the end. It was an amazing site. I felt like this was the definition of family.

3) Studying...

Studying is quite tedious and annoying. I hate having to force myself and study the stuff I should know when I learned it in college. This is the direct result of my slacking off in my sophomore year and I see the consequences of my bad decisions. Studying isn't fun at all, but here and there, I marvel at how smart and just unmeasureable God is. His creations (including us) are just amazing.. who can design DNA in such intricacy? And make the model and the structure so complete and near infallible? Only God can, not man. Even as we study and discover more and more of God's creations scientifically, I know we'll never know it all. God is just too much and too perfect and smart.

4) Getting that Pharmacy job

This has been quite frustrating. Everytime I get settled to a job, it either doesn't work out or I feel like God isn't calling me to that particular one. This is really really annoying and I know I definitely need to start working. I just have to be patient and know that God's timing is the right timing and trust in Him that He will open up doors and show me where I belong.



This is all for now. I've gone thru Philippians and continuing to finish Revelations. Spiritually, it's been a up and down rollercoaster. My heart has taken alot of battles. I feel like its been hardened, then softened, hardened and softened over and over again. I feel like Satan is attacking it with things of this earth and God is trying to show me the light over and over again. I'm stupid and foolish for falling into Satan's traps, but it is a mistake that is human =/ that is all for now!

The Bible teaches lessons that save lives.

Read this.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/03/AR2008060303262.html?hpid=topnews

After reading that, I went to the Bible. James 1. =)
James 1:19-21 says:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Hmm. It's stated plain and simple. From Thousands of years ago till now. It hasn't changed. The Bible is INFALLIBLE. People, if we don't learn to embrace the Bible as the very WORD of God in our lives, then we will fall into the traps that Satan lays. BE STRONG!

James 1:22-25 reiterates what I just stated (and this is mere coincidence!)

22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

So what will you do?! JUST STOP AND THINK.
This is why we have the Bible. Read and Apply! This is our life and the answer are IN THE BIBLE!

Goodnight :)

Revelation 4-5

The Throne

Revelations 4 describes the throne so vividly and descriptively. This is John's recount as he actually saw the throne as it had the appearance of "jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal (v. 3-6). Haha. Wow. Picturing this mighty throne in Heaven is just awesome. There's also another verse that these creatures in Heaven are chanting, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" We recognize this as a song that Chris Tomlin sang but this is pure worship to our God in Heaven and all the creatures are bowing down and worshipping Him. Think about it. What if we saw all the people in this world bow down and worship God?! What an amazing site.

The Scroll and the Lamb
This passage is just another reiteration of Jesus' honor, privilege and holiness. When no one could open the scroll because it was so sacred and it being sealed, only Jesus was WORTHY enough to do it. This just re-emphasizes the worthiness and power that God the Father has given to his Son, Jesus. Only through this unblemished lamb will we be able to meet the Father and only through Him are we redeemed for our sins and only Him will we serve our lives and hearts to!

I guess I'll end on this verse. Meditate on it if you want, that's usually what I do after reading. "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever! And the four living creatures said, 'Amen'! and the elders fell down and worshiped." (v. 13-14)

Revelation brings everything together. It's so clear cut and simple. Jesus is real. He is the Savior. He will come back. And those who proclaim His name shall be saved from the fiery pit!

Amen.

So the past two days, my life has pretty much been watching movies, studying, playing games, eating and sleeping. Hmm. A lil too much time for me to be doing all that but I can't sit there and study for like 4 hours straight. Yeah...

Bittersweet Beginnings

The Good.
Camping. Laughing. Singing. Hanging out. Making ridiculous sand castles. Doing QTs on the beach. Walking on the smooth, clean, cool sandy beach. The past two days have been amazing with my friends. Although I have about 20+ bug bites all over my body, although I have a slight sunburn, although I'm tired and sore, I would not trade it for anything. This, perhaps, may be only a few of the bright spots I have for my summer. Too bad it was so short. God had definitely blessed me and my friends. I am truly thankful for His grace.

The Bad.
However, after coming home, things went from light to dark. Being at home continues to be a struggle. My grades just added more fuel to this burning fire. Although I did well this semester, my parents just found out of my less-than-par grades from my previous semesters. I know this was my fault: my neglect and irresponsibleness in informing them of my grades. And I have repented and apologized for it. I wish I would have told them earlier, but I was just afraid of their response and the disappointment. They have such high expectations and anything below a 3.5 would not be acceptable in their eyes. As I listened to the barrage of ruthless and hurting comments, although it was painful, it has made me more determined to study harder. Although my heart is crushed and broken, I know God will build it up and give me comfort. Even so, this has made living at home 100x worse. Now, they are more controlling than ever. They have threatened to take my cellphone away, take my car away, my privileges to leave the house away. This poses a big problem because tomorrow I have church and I'm not even sure if I can go. Even worse, I'm not even sure if I can goto mission meetings anymore. I have prepared for missions for over a month now and I am feeling even more discouraged because of the turn of events. All I can think about is studying PCATs in order to please my parents. Nothing else matters. That is what they have drilled into my head after hours of yelling, bashing and criticism of my life. I don't even know what to do anymore. This is my struggle. I still do my QTs and pray, but it is becoming more of a challenge. I only hope and pray that I will be able to trust in Him and let Him be in control, with my parents and with my life.

I stand here, my heart broken and lost. So many times do I wish to be in Heaven with God. And now more than ever.

Today's weather is awesome. It makes me wish that I lived back in the old days, when there wasn't technology, when there wasn't this busy life where we have to work and goto school. As I see more and more, I think that technology has a way of pulling us away from God. Just right now, I've spent about 2-3 hrs watching movies. And in the end, I feel completely wasteful and unproductive. In so many places, I think we find ourselves unaware that Satan actually wants us to enjoy this world and accept the things that this world offers. he wants us to get the latest technology and he wants us to live in this type of place because it pulls us away from appreciating the very things that God created. Look outside. Look at the birds, the grass, the trees. Feel the wind and marvel the skies and the clouds.

Today, I am reading Revelation 2. I just want to post certain verses that stood out to me. I know that for each church, Jesus had a message and a personal meaning to it. It was as if He was talking to us, telling us about ourselves (the good and the bad).

verse 3: I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up^(F) for my name’s sake, and you^(G) have not grown weary.

I wish I had this. This is something I strive so dearly for because it is my weakness and my shortcoming: Patience and consistency.

verse 10: Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison,^(T) that you may be tested, and for^(U) ten days^(V) you will have tribulation.^(W) Be faithful^(X) unto death, and I will give you^(Y) the crown of life.

This is a scary thought but it may very well be a reality to some. There is always going to be persecution but Jesus says, don't worry for "I will give you the crown of life".

verse 13: I know where you dwell,^(AC) where Satan’s throne is. Yet you hold fast my name, and you did not^(AD) deny my faith^[b] even in the days of Antipas^(AE) my faithful witness, who was killed among you, where Satan dwells.

True faith, even in times where faith is not possible. In times where the devil seems so strong and so powerful, keeping our faith in Jesus is the only way we'll survive it.

verse 22-23: Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works, 23and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am he^(AV) who searches mind and heart, and^(AW) I will give to each of you according to your works.

Fighting from sexual immorality is so important and to those who fall into it, it is clear that God despises it and wants us to repent from it. Through repentance, our minds and hearts may be cleared and we would be able to listen and speak to God. I don't know about you guys, but when I sin and I don't repent for it, it is very hard for me to speak to God and to pray to Him. How can we? It's just like driving that nail into Jesus and not apologizing for it. That is a brutal image.

Revelation is the last book and it serves a purpose of bringing everything together and prophesying the end times. Through that, emphasis on what we need to do and what we have to do and the consequences of not doing it, is shown. Hopefully, this will bring the reality and the urgency of what God is calling us to do and how we are living our life. Right now, I don't think my lifestyle is pleasing to God and even as I write this, I feel like a hypocrite. But that is why I need Jesus' grace and love. That is why He is a merciful and compassionate God. Though we fall short of His glory, His grace covers our sins. Amen.

May 27, 2008

Today is Tuesday. Today was a pretty bad day. The only thing keeping me sane right now is God and my friends. Being home brings out the worst in me. Dealing with my parents is the hardest challenge I will probably face. After being verbally bashed about random stuff, including my passport and job, I am pretty angry and frustrated inside. Basically, my parents go on saying things I need to do, that I'm not doing them, that I'm retarded and need to do them, and stuff like that sort. It's pretty discouraging. I'm not sure if I should even blog this but I am. For those of you reading this, this is my home life and a different me. I almost never happy being home and those times I am happy, I don't even cherish them or remember them. My parents and I have a pretty dysfunctional relationship. Basically, my dad is a dictator and whatever he says is "right". When I bring up a point or try to defend myself, he turns it around and starts saying random, demeaning stuff about me. It's really hard going through this and everytime I do, I find myself at a loss for words. It tears my heart inside. Being at home makes me appreciate being at school so much more. At home, I am confined to living the way my dad wants me to. And throughout the years, I have grown to really dislike this atmosphere. I wish things weren't like this and although this may sound like everyone's family (possibly), for me, living at home makes me so depressed. What's worse is that whatever my parents want me to do (get good grades and jobs and whatnot), it differs from what I am taught and have been learning at school. Getting good grades is a good thing but the intention is to get a good job to earn lots of money. My parents want me to earn lots of money (or how they put it: "to be independent") while neglecting the importance of other things.

My biggest frustration is when my parents yell and scold and verbally bash on me for something I have done right or for something they have done wrong. Many instances, my parents have incorrectly yelled at me and unfortunately, my dad is a stubborn person who refuses to apologize for any reasons. This is very discouraging and I hope never to be like this. This is why I stick so strongly to the Word and learn the valuable lessons God teaches so that I may be a person of God, and not of my father or man.

I don't know why I am placed in this situation other than to learn from it. However, I don't know if I am big enough to surpass it because my parents have just caused so much hurt and conflict in my life. I only know that I can repent for my sins and hope that this was not the result of my past sins, although it very much is. God, I pray that You calm my hearts and give me peace.

QT and Thoughts (May 25, 2008)

Today I went to Matt's church (ODPC). It was pretty interesting and pretty good. God definitely spoke to me there and made me think alot of what the Pastor talked about. Bottom line of the sermon: don't gossip and if you have a complaint/problem, pray first and let God convict you, goto the Bible and the Scripture, then go directly to the source/leader (not anyone else). Gossip or what they called it "Grumbling" can destroy a church and the body. The passage was Acts 6:1-7. This is pretty applicable in my life as I can see many instances where complaints and gossiping can potentially escalate and divide the body. As Christians, if we are not unified, then we are a sad representation of who Christ is and what He represents.

For my QTs today, I want to start Revelations. This is something that I think everyone should know. I actually have never fully and completely gone through Revelations, so this will be my first. Revelations is basically John's account when he was exiled to an island called Patmos. When he was on the island, he had accounts where he saw and heard Jesus. This is described in Revelation 1:9-20. Jesus basically told him what to do and he did it. What's extremely awesome is that he had a vision of Jesus. He is a man "clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, frefined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. (Rev 1:13-15)" This image of Jesus is magnificent because it describes everything about Him. But at the same time, it is frightening to know this mighty image of Him. John further describes Him as "In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength" (v.16). This is, again, a very serious and frightening image of Christ but this is who is He. I think Revelations gives us a great and serious understanding of how REAL and how URGENT the Bible and Jesus is. Judgment day will come. God has given us free will and Jesus has set us free from our sins. The question is what will you do now? Will you live for Him wholeheartedly or will you be lukewarm?

For me personally, my heart has battles sometimes. It's weird but sometimes I want to burn for him and sometimes my flesh and Satan just wants me to quit and be lazy. It is always a struggle, but in order to stay strong in Him, we must keep reading the Bible, keep praying and talking to Him, and keep accountable with each other. Spiritual growth can be measured on account of how well we do these. I would like to think I have grown alot since last year, but I'm not sure. I want to be able to fight my old habits and refrain from falling into laziness, habitual sin, and neglecting the Bible. Hopefully, this will encourage me to be more focused and read more. I encourage all of you guys to do so too!

I want to share a verse I've been meditating on alot these past weeks. It is Psalm 105:1-6.

1 Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.

2 Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.

3 Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.

4 Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.

5 Remember the wonders he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,

6 O descendants of Abraham his servant,
O sons of Jacob, his chosen ones.

Anyways, hope everyone has a great summer!

One last thing. If you guys are reading this, I want you to STOP & THINK.
Guys, let's just STOP and THINK about life. STOP and THINK about God. How is everything in your life possible? How are our lives filled with such JOY and HAPPINESS?! Sometimes, life comes at us FAST. SO FAST that even now, we don't even know what's happening or how life has changed our hearts. God is always in our lives and if sometime, He's telling us to SLOW DOWN and LISTEN to Him. Listen for His voice, for His wonderful, beautiful words. I think I need to stop and think. I need to. I go through life wanting everything, rushing through things, going with the flow, but that's just Satan trying to make me forget about God. It isn't about the things I do for myself, but it is the things I do for God. My heart tells me that I need to serve Him wholeheartedly. But I can't if I'm not listening to Him. Sometimes, I can't listen to Him unless I stop and think. So, I encourage everyone to just SLOW DOWN and just STOP and THINK, even if it's only 5 minutes a day. Those 5 minutes may be the best 5 minutes you've ever SPENT!!!

http://www.juststopandthink.com/movieextras_movielg.php

If you haven't seen it, watch it now. My heart cries out everytime I watch it. It's an awesome video.

TAKE CARE!!

First entry

This is my first blog. It reminds me of Xanga. Hmm, but more professional! Anyways, hope you enjoy reading it. If you don't, too bad. =)

-Andrew