Living by faith

For the past couple of months, I thought my life would change significantly. In fact, I thought it would change for the worst. Things were spiraling out of control. God was distant, though I thought He was close. But the past two months, God has genuinely changed me. Work was picking up. Applications were on my mind. Pharmacy was consuming me. I thought that coming out of college and entering the 'real world' would challenge me. It indeed did. But what I realized from all of this is my love for God. Though the real world would ask us to be this or that, though the real world would tempt us with money, material possessions and lust, I knew that God was and is bigger than the real world. Scripture tells us not to follow the ways of the world. Until now, I have not really known what that meant.

In the past year, I see so much of my life has been consumed by selfishness. I did not really love the church. I was selfish and only thought about what I wanted and what I lusted after. What did it meant to give selflessly? What did it meant to love the church? I thought by attending, by being close friends with the body, I would accomplish this. How wrong was I. I thought about my selfish needs. I thought about what I could gain from the church, from the fellowship. But until now, I did not truly give my heart to her. I truly love Philippi. I love serving there. I love the smile on the kids' faces. I love the fellowship I have with my brothers and sisters. Though we are all sinners, depraved, broken, and disgusting people, we have Christ. He is the head that keeps us together. Most of all, I love God who I see is working in so many of my brothers' and sisters' lives. All I can think about is Acts 2. I want my church to be an imitator of that church. But I want my heart to truly proclaim it. To give selflessly to the church. To serve selflessly for the church. To live selflessly by the church. God made a covenant to us. He loves us unconditionally. I pray that I will continue to grow so that I can unconditionally love my future wife, just as Christ loved the church.

These several months, I have seen God work not only in my life, but through brothers' who have continued to mentor, encourage, challenge, and rebuke me. Indeed, we would not be a body or a family if we did not do these things. To laugh and be happy when one is happy and elated and to be comforting to those who are they are sad. God has made himself bigger while making everything else smaller - Pharmacy, work, relationships. God has continually provided for me, not only financially, but spiritually. He has put certain brothers who are both young and old, to encourage me and to teach me.

What does it mean to live by faith? I thought I knew before. Right now, I am struggling at home. It's difficult honoring my parents. This is not an excuse but an honest cry from my heart. I love them. I want them to be saved. However, I want them to let me live my life for God. Though I am struggling, I praise God. As I turned to Hebrews 11, I am challenged by the Spirit to continue living faithfully in Christ. Though I am troubled, I see Christ in every part of my life. I see Him molding me, teaching me, and loving me. Though my sins are uncountable, I see forgiveness by His grace. Oh how amazing Christ truly is. I see my faith growing through times of struggle, with my past relationships and my current problems. I see Christ putting everything for a purpose in my life. And I see myself holding on to Him with every ounce of my body. Hebrews 10:22 tells us to draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. I have wronged many people in my life. But through the grace of God, the sacrifice of Christ, I see the forgiveness. I thought I knew repentance but I didn't see God clearly. I repented aimlessly. But, as I continue to see more and more of God in my life, I repent because Christ died for it all. Though I labor and toil, without knowing Christ delivered us from the grave, I labor and toil aimlessly.

Christ is the cornerstone of the church. He is the cornerstone of my life. He is not a crutch, but He is everything. I willingly and faithfully trust in God's will for me, knowing that Christ allowed me to have this relationship. As I studied through the book of Genesis and Exodus, I see how much God loved his people. Though they were continuously unfaithful, God still provided for them. He didn't need to, but He still did. How amazing God is! I feel such joy in knowing God has truly loves us.

Now, I see my life as moving forward, not backwards. I see God's promises being fulfilled. I see that my past sins, though they linger, have no power. Living faithfully. That's what it is. Though I'm sure I'm going to have ups and downs, God will be there. And He will get all the glory. And I can't wait to see Him in heaven and just praise Him endlessly. Thank You Jesus.